
So the other night (or morning) at work one of the bosses walked in and hugged everyone and said "Good Morning". A familiar smell came across and she was wearing the perfume White Diamonds. This is the perfume my grandma (Tutu) used to wear. My grandpa always gave it to her for Christmas. So for a spilt second Tutu was there with me again. I have been wanting and avoiding writing a post on her death but I need to now.
I woke up about 7:00am on a Sunday and saw the dreaded message light flashing on my phone. We keep our ringers off upstairs. Getting a call in the middle of the night alway meanings something is wrong. So I called my mom and she said the Tutu was found in her bed barley conscious and was in the hospital in Flagstaff. Now, Tutu can't hear and Papa can't see due to muscular degeneration. What a couple!! So when Papa woke up that morning he passed by her room (she slept in a different bed because it was more comfy) and said "good morning mom." He went downstairs to make their morning coffee. When she didn't stir he went back upstairs and found her limp and barley conscious. He called 911 and the EMT said her oxygen level was either 50 or 60% I can't remember. Well that is deadly. So they took her in. I immediately got ready and left for Flagstaff. When I got there my Aunt, Uncle and some cousins were there. I went into to see Tutu and she was intibated. I immediately knew this was not good! So I left and started to cry. My uncle gave her a blessing and in his blessing the first thing he was something to fact that we knew she was dying and that we understood that it was the Lord's WIll. Usually in blessings you hear stuff like you will get better etc. but he basically he said I know she is going to die and its okay. It was very powerful! I think I either stayed the night or left that day because she was stable.
The Doctors diagnosed her with pneumonia. Aspiration pneumonia. So in her sleep she basically swallowed something and it got into her lungs and caused the infection. My mom took work off and my Aunt from Seattle came to be with her. So on Saturday Matt and the kids and I went up to Flagstaff. They told us that they would be pulling the tube out because she it had been in for to long and her infection wasn't getting better. Matt was at Tutu's house when I found this out. My brothers and sisters were with us. I was pissed that they were giving up on her. The Dr. said they could put in a tracheotomy and she may survive with that. Everyone agreed she wouldn't want that. Except for me inside. I didn't want to lose her. The other hard part was people kept asking my sister and I questions because we are nurses. I don't deal with this at all and my sister deals with this stuff with kids. So we did what we could to comfort people.
So they pulled the tube and placed and oxygen mask on her. We were all standing around the hospital bed crying. Her oxygen level kept falling. It got to 50% and then went up. And up, and back up to 95%. We all stood in awe. Then someone said "see we all knew that she is stubborn". We stayed with her till 10 or 11pm and went back to spend the night at her house. Matt took the kids home and I just thought I am staying with her till she dies and we could find a babysitter. That night it was hard to sleep. My mom and dad stayed with her all night till about 6am. I heard Papa get up along with my Aunt. I walked up stairs and they said she is still alive. My cousins were coming in from New York, Seattle and San Fransisco. We all believed she was waiting for them because the rest of the family was here. So I went back to sleep.
The Dream
I had a dream in which Tutu was a little younger with her hair freshly permed. She was wearing a flower shirt and was sitting in a hospital bed. I walked up to her and said "I love you." She said "I know!" She then asked me how Carson's finger was. (a couple weeks before his finger got caught in the vacuum and she was concerned when I told her) I told her he was fine and we all loved her. She kept saying "I know, I know and I love you to." Then she looked at me and said "I am waiting for something." My mom and Papa walked into the room and the dream stopped. I immediately woke up and started crying. I told my brothers and sisters about the dream. I truly believe she came to me. I am not saying I have special powers but it is what it is.
So we went to IHOP at breakfast and went back up to the hospital. She looked awful. She was using all of her muscles to breath. He neck looked like a frogs. My sister and I agreed that the oxygen mask was keeping her alive and needed to be taken off. We waited all day for my cousins to arrive. My brothers, sisters, Papa and I were sitting in her room. Talking to her. Papa got up and said he was going out. She immediately opened her eyes and followed him out. (she had not opened her eyes because she was sedated). It was eerie and also warming because she could her us and needed him. We ran out to get Papa, my mom and uncle and aunt. They said some goodbyes and then the nurse gave her more sedation medication. The last cousin arrived about 6:00pm. She was able to go in and talk to Tutu. After she was done we decided it was time to take the mask off.
So again we are standing around her bed crying. They took the mask off and within a minute she was gone. She turned from pink to ash gray. She was gone. We all stood there quiet and one by one people left the room. My mom never left. She sat there holding her hand. We left her alone with her for a while. Jody and I then went back in and took off all the medical devices. My mom asked if we would help dress her for the funeral. We said "yes of course".
So everyone went back to the house. Jody and I didn't stay long. We drove home that night around 10pm. While we were driving we could feel darkness. I didn't feel light just darkness. She dropped me off and while I tried to sleep I just saw dark evil shadows. Carson even woke up screaming about one hour after I got into bed. This was not like him. So I finally got some sleep and the next morning was a blur.
I put together a slide show of pictures for her. I had done on for their 60th wedding anniversary so it wasn't that hard. Fast forwarding to the funeral. The morning we went to dress her I felt a little sick. But when we went in there I felt a since of calm. I curled her hair and my sister styled it. My mom stoped and said "now I can feel the spirit. I haven't felt since she died but I can feel it now." Dressing her was bitter sweet. We buried her with the charm bracelet we had given her. The funeral was good the slide show at the luncheon was good. I stayed and watched them lower the casket into the ground. It was final. She was gone.
I still find myself crying every once and a while for her. I think about her constantly especially the times I would have called her or bought something for her. I have a Easter snow globe in my house that I had given her. It has Shea and Carson's picture in it and she just loved it. Easter was her favorite time of year. I know she is out of pain and can hear now. Papa is with her now(that is for another post) and she looks after me. I can't feel her as much and don't dream about her as much as I used to. She is probably busy up there. I miss taking her to Dillard's and SAS. She always was so friendly to the sales staff and everyone around her. She was a social butterfly. Her family came first and she loved her grand kids and great grand kids. Sometimes I see elderly women with walkers and wish they were her. We were blessed to have her in our life for so long and I am thankful for that. I know I will miss her especially when the new baby comes. But maybe she is already looking after the baby now.
One of her favorite sayings was
I love you a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.



Undine "Tutu" Rice
August 6,1923 - April 22,2007